What Would Jesus Do? A lot like Batman

By  J. Eric Peters

First published in Outlook Weekly in Columbus, Ohio. 

 

            Oh, this one's going to get me in trouble.  'Cuz just like my homerific homey Homer, I don't even believe in Jebus. 

            Not the Jebus of Tim LaHaye and Leroy Jenkins's fantasy stories where logic gets “left behind” to depict a vengeful Jesus whose only Beatitude seems to be a Hulk-like bad attitude of “Jesus angry!  Jesus smash!!!” 

            Not the Jesus of Jimmy Swaggart and Ted Haggard who use Jesus as a public relations prop to duck responsibility for their own hypocrisy and anti-gay hate. 

            Not the Jesus of World Harvest's Rod Parsley or the Vineyard's Rich Nathan who treat Jesus like a pawn in their chess games of political mating, maneuvering and mongering hate. 

            How many Jesuses are there?  Well how many Batmans are there? 

            There's Adam West's campy Batusi-dancing Batman of the '60s' movie and TV show. 

            Then there's Michael Keaton's dark and conflicted caped crusader, Val Kilmer's noble guardian, Christian Bale's mysterious and debonair Batman and George Clooney's regrettable indiscretion. 

            Today's DC Comics has child-friendly Batman of The Batman Strikes!, the paternalistic Batman with his pre-adolescent ward of Batman & Robin the Boy Wonder, the cunning detective chasing classic Gotham City foes in Batman, the hesitant but reliable team player in Justice League of America:  JLA Classified, the decisive community leader of Batman and the Outsiders and so on (all available from the OSU area's Discount Paperback Center at 10 Chittenden Ave.). 

            Batman and Jesus, the Dark Knight's literary predecessor (and inspiration, methinks), both have yielded myths powerful enough to render inevitable the emergence of widely divergent interpretations.  The power of these myths may relate to their themes of survival, hope and transcendence with tragic losses leading to acts of awesome heroism that convert those losses into foundations for new identities and new lives centered on justice and mercy. 

            Sunday schools might not teach that, but I think the Bible does.  Jesus in the Gospels even warned of false Christs to come.  “Now as He sat on the Mount of Olives, the disciples came to Him privately.  . . . And Jesus answered and said to them, 'Take heed that no one deceives you.  For many will come in My name, saying, “I am the Christ,” and will deceive many'” (Matthew 24:3-31.).  (See also Matthew 24:21-8, Mark 13:19-23 and Luke 21:8-28.) 

            St. Paul in his second letter to the churches in Asia Minor's Corinthian region (including local leather queens) interpreted Jesus's prophecy in a way I find informative:  “But I fear. . . your minds may be corrupted from the simplicity that is in Christ.  For if he who comes preaches another Jesus whom we have not preached. . . or a different gospel which you have not accepted-- you may well put up with it!” (2 Corinthians 11:3-4, 12-14, emphasis added).  (See also Galatians 1:6-9 and 2:4-19, Colossians 2:4-19, 2 Peter 1:19-2:3 and 1 John 4:1-4.) 

            But my esteemed, glorious and all-knowing editor (OK. . . NOW can I get my check?) brought me a topic for this essay:  WWJD-- What Would Jesus Do? 

            If Jesus, the first-century teacher from Galilee went for a walk down High Street later this year and, passing the State House, saw Rod Parsley, Rich Nathan, Sally Kern and their fellow travelers protesting against equality and fairness, then what would Jesus do in response to them perverting the Gospel of love into a tool for political posturing and fundraising? 

            Well what did He do in the Bible? 

            “So [Jesus and the disciples] came to Jerusalem.  Then Jesus went into the temple and began to drive out those who bought and sold in the temple, and overturned the tables of the money changers and the seats of those who sold doves.  And He would not allow anyone to carry wares through the temple.  Then He taught, saying to them, 'Is it not written, “My house shall be called a house of prayer for all nations”?  But you have made it a “den of thieves”.'  And [the religious leaders of Jesus's first-century culture] heard it and sought how they might destroy Him” (Mark 11:15-19). 

            This vignette from the Christian Testament, unlike most scenes from the Gospels' narratives, occurs in all four Gospels (see also Matthew 21:12-17, Luke 19:43-48 and John 2:13-21).  Maybe this story is somehow especially important. 

            Why would Jesus react this way instead of offering Kool Aid (not that there's anything wrong with Kool Aid-- especially if it's green or orange) and cookies in reaction to conniving religious professionals corrupting the people's religion?  And why would He warn them about a particular type of person instead of just telling them to play nice with everybody? 

            Maybe it suited His purpose.  How would we know? 

            I believe the Bible is the best (although profoundly imperfect) source of information about Jesus.  The Scriptures provide two excellent bases for pondering the question, “What would Jesus do?”-- statements about Jesus's purposes and descriptions of Jesus's actions in furtherance of those purposes. 

            The Bible attributes the Christ event-- the term Christian theologians use to describe God coming to earth as a first-century Palestinian, living here, preaching and ministering and finally suffering, dying and rising from death in victory over the grave (Christ's Resurrection being commemorated each Easter)-- to several purposes: 

• calling sinners to repent and all people to live more fully (Mark 12:13-17, Luke 5:27-32 and Matthew 9:10-13 with Hosea 4:4-6 and Micah 6:8);
• bringing division and a metaphorical sword (Luke 12:49-53 and Matthew 10:34-39 with Micah 7:1-7);
• saving the lost (Matthew 18:10-14, Luke 9:51-56 and John 3:1-21 and 12:23-30);
• suffering and giving His life (Matthew 20:21-28, Mark 9:9-22, Luke 24:13-32 and John 12:27-30);
• preaching (Mark 1:5-9 and Luke 4:42-44);
• doing God's will by coming to earth when God sent Him (John 6:30-40, 7:25-32, 8:41-47 and 17:1-4); and
• offering everlasting life to all (John 3:1-21 and 10:6-21). 

 

            Bringing division and a metaphorical sword may be illustrated best by Jesus's actions in cleansing the temple of the poseurs of His day.  The Gospel's descriptions of His actions there seem, I believe, to exemplify very well the way Jesus went about separating the sheep from the goats.  And I think it informs my remarks about what Jesus would do today at an anti-gay political rally.  I am quite confident of this much:  He wouldn't just let it go. 

            What would Jesus do if a gay or lesbian couple invited Him to their wedding?  I think He'd look to celebrate with them, to share some of His wisdom with them and to try to inspire them and their guests to live life truly to its fullest.  These last two stories from the Gospels illustrate.  Please bear in mind that, in the Roman Empire, which included Galilee, Israel and the rest of Palestine in Jesus's era, the young male servants of Roman soldiers such as centurions provided them with various services.  Some of those services were sexual.  When the Gospels describe Jesus talking with them, see if any condemnation can be found in His words or those of the Gospel's writer. 

            “Now when Jesus had entered Capernaum, a centurion came to Him, pleading with Him, saying, 'Lord, my servant is lying at home paralyzed, dreadfully tormented.  And Jesus said to him, 'I will come and heal him.'  The centurion answered and said, 'Lord, I am not worthy [to receive you].  But only speak a word and my servant will be healed.  For I also am a man under authority, having soldiers under me.  And I say to this one, “Go,” and he goes, and to another, “Come,” and he comes; and to my servant, “Do this,” and he does it.'  When Jesus heard it, He marveled, and said to those who followed, 'Assuredly, I say to you, I have not found such great faith, not even in Israel [where Jesus was from].  . . . Then Jesus said to the centurion, 'Go your way; and as you have believed, so let it be done for you.'  And his servant was healed that same hour” (Matthew 8:5-13 and Luke 7:1-10). 

            And how would Jesus act at a wedding? 

            “On the third day there was a wedding in Cana of Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there.  Now both Jesus and His disciples were invited to the wedding.  And when they ran out of wine, the mother of Jesus said to Him, 'They have no wine.'  . . . His mother said to the servants, 'Whatever He says to you, do it.'  Now there were set there six waterpots of stone, . . . containing twenty or thirty gallons apiece.  Jesus said to them, 'Fill the waterpots with water.'  And they filled them up to the brim.  And He said to them, 'Draw some out now, and take it to the master of the feast.'  And they took it.  When the master of the feast tasted the water that was made wine, and did not know where it came from (but the servants who had drawn the water knew), the master of the feast called the bridegroom.  And he said to him, “Every man at the beginning sets out the good wine, and when the guests have well drunk, then the inferior.  You have kept the good wine until now!'  This beginning of signs, Jesus did in Cana of Galilee, and manifested His glory; and His disciples believed in Him” (John 2:1-11).